I’ve now been on this diet for 11 days. It’s going ok, not brilliantly as I’ve not lost as much weight as I expected, but I’m managing. I’ve stuck to it as much as I can and I really am doing my best. Some days I haven’t even had all of my calories actually (only having two shakes and a cereal bar instead of three shakes). I’m paranoid that I’m doing something wrong and keep re-reading the instructions – am I meant to be having three shakes? Should it be two? Am I allowed to have more than one OXO? Should I really be drinking diet drinks? Should I try and drink water? Should I be doing more exercise? Cue head explosion.
Similarly, I had a bit of a freak out yesterday. A colleague came to ask me about a report and when I opened the schedule I realise that after today I only have eight working days before I go off for surgery. Eight days. That’s it! Even writing that now makes my stomach turn over and I actually feel like shedding a tear. I was explaining to another colleague last night about why I’m worried and I almost cried. I’m still worried about walking into the theatre. I know I’m going to get upset and want to run and keep running but at the same time I’m excited for what comes after. I just have to get past that hurdle first.
Anyway, nicer things… I got another tattoo on Wednesday as a thank you to my parents for their support throughout this. It’s a line from The Beatles’ song In My Life on my inner forearm. It says “In my life I love you more” and has a blue line and a pink line running through it. The blue line represents my dad – calm and smooth with a little star at one end. When I was younger he played drums in a band and always joked that he was a superstar. This is his star. The pink line represents my mum – a bit more crazy with a cherry blossom at the end. I took my mum to get her first tattoo a couple of years ago and she has cherry blossoms on her wrist so this is for her. Most of my tattoos represent certain periods in my life so this one marks the beginning of my new life.
I will get through this. I will make it. I am the walrus!