Livin’ la vida cocoa

It’s been almost six weeks since the surgery. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long – seems so long ago yet feels like only yesterday I was all nervous about going into hospital. So, what’s happened in the last six weeks? Well, not much to be honest – I am frustrated and disappointed.

As I wrote in my last blog post I not only had the gastric band but I also had the hiatus hernia fixed. The hernia was a lot more complicated than I had anticipated and so my recovery was very slow. I am currently still off work as I’m still having difficulties – still tender and having some pain between my ribs.

Last Monday I had an appointment for my first band fill. I had to have a barium scan where I swallowed some white liquid (thought it’d be nasty but it wasn’t that bad) and then they tilted me on a bed so they could scan me. The good news is that everything’s in the right place and looking good. However, I’m still very tender around the incision that is between my ribs. Unfortunately, this is where my port is for the filling of the band and because I’m still sore around that area then it looks like I still have some bruising under the skin. As such, they couldn’t do the fill because there would be a risk of infection if I hadn’t healed properly.

I could have cried at this news. I have still only lost 26lbs. I am hovering around this all the time but haven’t lost any more weight. I NEED this fill to lose weight and, at the same time, I need to not have this pain because it’s affected my mobility. I can’t bend over very well, I can’t sit upright for long periods of time because it hurts (I went to the cinema and was in agony when I came out), I’m still not sleeping properly although it’s better than it was, etc.

I actually want to be back in work so that I can get into a routine with my eating and sleeping. I want to join a local gym that’s specifically for ladies of all ages and looks really good. I want to be out and about doing stuff, seeing people, shopping, walking, etc. But I just can’t right now and it’s upsetting. I didn’t expect to be off work for this long. I made the decision yesterday than I’m just going to have to push through the pain and get on with stuff. I can’t wait any longer and I’m sure I’m not going to do myself any real damage if I do grin an bear the pain.

Tomorrow afternoon I have an appointment with my surgeon to make sure that the pain is from the hernia and that there’s nothing else to worry about. I think he’ll just say it’s from the hernia and everything’s ok but we’ll see. It’s just so frustrating. I feel like I’m going to go back to work and people are going to wonder why I haven’t lost weight. I can’t see any difference in myself at all. I’ve been told I look thinner but I can’t see anything and I don’t think any of my clothes are bigger.

Hopefully, next year I’ll look a bit different…

On another (happier) note though, Lindsey and I have decided to go back to Florida next year. This will be a good goal for me to lose more weight too. I love theme parks and rollercoasters but it’s so humiliating having to queue for the ‘fat’ seats. The last time we were at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter we went on the Hogwarts ride. The first time was ok but, for some reason, the second time we went on it they couldn’t close my seat. I had three people trying to close the seat while everyone else in the queue stared at me. It’s on a continuously moving belt thing so they were trying to close it before the belt ran out otherwise the whole ride would have to have been stopped to get me off. They finally managed to close it at the last minute after I was pleading with them to just put their weight on it and get it closed. I couldn’t breathe for the entire ride and cried but didn’t show anyone. Next year will hopefully be different and I won’t need to queue for those special seats any more. Hopefully.